Thursday 19 July 2012

AN OPEN LETTER TO THE TORONTO STAR






AN OPEN LETTER TO THE TORONTO STAR

I’ve had some time to reflect on the events in recent days in Toronto, our beautiful city.   I am a divorced woman with a daughter in university on her way to becoming a productive and capable human being. I am also an immigrant who migrated to Canada from Jamaica at the very tender age of seventeen years old. 

When my mother informed me in 1973 that she was sending me to Canada for school so that I could have a better life, I knew she was right.  Though I had two older siblings who arrived in Canada a couple years before me, as domestic helper I had no idea what life in Canada would be like.  All I knew was from what my sisters wrote, they were doing what they were not able to do in Jamaica work and fend for themselves something most of my brothers and most young people on that beautiful island are not acquainted with.

I came to Canada to study Medical Terminology in a local career college that now that I am more aware was more to line the pockets of the owners.  I graduated from school and never was able to find a job in the field I was trained in.  Still, I was not deterred, I found other jobs, worked as a waitress, a dishwasher then something happened and I landed a job in the Ministry of the Environment. A few years later I met a Canadian man whom I fell in love with we got married, the union lasted for 10 years.  A few years later I met another Canadian male we fell in love and we had a child, it became apparent to me that I would be single mother the very thing my mother was trying to avoid. 

Still, I made good. After my divorce, I went to Europe to forget and returned to Canada to find I had no real employable skill, but I was a great communicator, I knew how get positive response.  I created my resume and dropped them off at the banks and low and behold CIBC called and I accepted. My life turned around 365 degrees. I loved it so much I wanted to advance so I enrolled in bank courses so that I would provide me with the required accreditation to move forward in my career.  It was not easy.  It meant coming home from work, taking care of a child, and finding time to study and still stay fit in mind, body and spirit. Hard work, self-control and self- discipline and self-awareness are the required tools to pull yourself out of apathy and poverty. Being poor is not the problem, poverty of mind is.

Please forgive me for being severely blunt for what I am about to say.

I realize that we all have our own burden to carry whatever they may be, and that though we believe that all people are equal, fact is we are not.  The only true measure of equality is that of opportunity; equality in opportunity.

Being born poor is not a crime.  The crime is not having the environment, the opportunity, and the exposure to develop meaningful skill that can enable one to live a life of dignity is at the very heart of the social problems we are having in our city.

Of course, it never fails whenever there are incidents such as we have born witness, we immediately are looking at the “leaders” of the community. I do not know who these leaders are but somehow the holy media search them out to speak on behalf of “The community”.   And the chorus is always the same; more money is to be injected into the community for useless programs.  Programs that are created to line the pockets of those who know how to get funding from reckless governments, on all levels  who, to ease their conscience gives a blank cheques to communities slated to be on the priority list. Not giving any consideration to the real underlying problem of youth unemployment. I agree with Mayor Ford.Young people need to work so that they can feel productive as a contributing member of society and are not seeking handouts.

 More money is not the issue.  There is not enough money in heaven that will solve this problem that require human empathy and practical understanding of what makes young men so afraid to fight with their fists. The question we need to ask ourselves is what makes some young men so incompetent to communicate with words that their only alternative is to pull a deadly weapon that most, I am sure do not know how to use or the significant impact of its ill usage.

Just to remind everyone, the problem of youth violence started in the early eighties, when certain programs were eliminated from high schools that young men who were not interested in theoretical studies might find alternative career choice. In addition to that when the premier of the day, Mike Harris had decided to take parents out of the equation as it pertains to being involved in student reporting that sent a red flag to the youths that parents have no power.  To further add fire to the fuel, a very broad decision was made that empowered young people to leave their homes when they were not getting their own way. Financial assistance and affordable living accommodation was provided.  Now, please don’t get me wrong. I am fully aware that there are households that are so dysfunctional and are so dangerous that intervention becomes necessary and must be applied; in order to save mind, body and spirit of those involved. I get it!

Now, as a parent I know that kids of a certain age can be challenging, and can literally drive you mad. They have their own minds, and they have recognized that they do not have to listen to you or take your advice yet they want you, the parent to be responsible for them financially, pay bills, buy the toys, gimme, gimme, gimme.  And if a parent/s should insist, the clarion call is, “I’ll call 911.”  In a nutshell, the parents must take all the burdens and none of the reward of providing emotional and financial support to young people who refuse to abide by the house rules and regulations.

 The fact is we live in a society that has rules and regulations; we call this a society that applies the rule of law.  Yet, that rule of law was snatched out of the hands of the very people who are supposed to be responsible for raising capable and productive human beings to become part of our society. What we have now are a generation of young people who are so entitled to getting things they never worked for it is now epidemic.  The chicken has come home to roost.

The Schools, are at the mercy of belligerent parents who expect their way ward kids to be cuddled and treated like babies.  No one wants to speak the truth, no one wants to accept that failure and success are partners and that failure can lead to success and success without failure makes you weak and fragile.

And then you have new immigrants who have chosen Canada has their new home, who barely speaks the language, they cannot communicate with their growing children and so these young people are now more than ever, more empowered because they are the voice of their parents.  Parents, with limited language skill in both official language who cannot communicate effectively and efficiently when it become necessary to advocate for themselves or their children hence the silos.  We have people living in our country who have absolutely no need to learn either one of our official languages because they do not  have the desire or the need. Everything they need is in their community, there is no need for them to spread their wings and enjoy the bountifulness of the real essence of what it means to live in a multicultural society.  Because of this we have ghettos within ghettos that sometimes are cesspools for violence and abuse and a breeding ground for fair and oppression.

Our prime minister is closing schools and building prisons assuring us that there will be ample room to lock away the difficult unemployed youths. We don’t need to see them, we must hide them, lock them away and spend more money taking care of them with no hope of them ever being rehabilitated to re-enter society. Meanwhile, back at the ranch we are bawling for more gun laws, more strident crime bills, more, more of everything that solves NOTHING. Oh, dear God help us all.






Saturday 7 April 2012

Images of Charm - Youtube Video

I have a new video: view it on Youtube - beautiful artistic nudes!Images of Charm

Why People Lie?

A couple of weeks ago I read a book review - titled - Why Men Lie?  I read the book review and in a nutshell the author, a journalist said, "...The first person a man lies to is his mother and that they lie because they don't want to be punished...?  I beg to differ it's not only men who lies. Women lie as much or perhaps even more.

My daughter Chris and I were having a conversation and I stated emphatically, "Men are such liars." And the young one replied, "It's not men that lie, people lie. I lie."

That's it! She is telling the truth. We all lie from time to time. Some of us tells little white lies because we don't want to hurt anyone...(Check out my book: Joyful, Soulful Sex, The Modern Woman's Guide to Intimacy and Great Sex - and see the chapter on "Honesty"). But as far as I am concerned a lie is a lie whether grave or otherwise. When we lie we take from the other the opportunity for them to make an informed decision.  Some people will even tell half truths - hinting at something far more profound until you are caught in their web of deceit.

I believe fear is what drives people to lie.  Fear of rejection. Fear of being found out to be shallow. Fear exposing one true self.  Fear of being alone. Fear of being vulnerable.  This last one is the one that really drives a person to lie. Many years ago, I decided to free myself from these little trivial lies, you know  what they are "white lies..." These lies have the capacity to transform a wonderful human being into a profound liar. My mother,  when she was alive would always say, "I'd rather have a thief around me than a liar because a thief will steal what they need and leave but liar remains hidden and constant." I'm with her.

So, if you want people to be honest with you, first thing first start by being honest with yourself.  Start admitting your little fears and accept them.  Start to live a more authentic life with transparency and honor and you will be sure to live a of joy, peace and tranquility.


Live your best life ever.



P.S. I got a new video on YouTube !

Charm

Saturday 31 March 2012

Self Knowledge - Self Love


There is something to be said about knowing thyself. Once you know who you are and what you stand for your life begins to take shape into everything you've ever dreamed it to be. Self knowledge invites wisdom and understanding and you realize you really don't have to engage in useless never ending arguments that has no beginning and no end.

For instance, at times I feel this incredible desire to experience deep love for another - this yearning it turns out is for love of self.  It's amazing that our entire journey on this planet in this form is to experience ourselves as LOVE.  That's it very simple, we know intuitively that our nature is love and somehow we got separated from our inner joy ever since then we've been looking for ourselves - a mirror to reflect that beauty that we are.

Wow...and that's when I realized that falling in love with myself is the love that is first required before all other loves follow. It is a wonderful feeling to bathe in this epiphany knowing that the greatest love is love of self, to be patient and kind, to be tender and honest in what we feel about ourselves and not to be too harsh in judgement or too self critical.  It is all good - to be gentle with ourselves as we are our own redeemer.

Monday 16 January 2012

The New Year has come and the cycle begins again.  Having a very good start so far.

Last fall I had an interview with Steve Paikin, host of TVOntario - The Agenda.  Check out the following link and have a listen: http://ww3.tvo.org/video/170972/charm-darby-being-sexy-55

Sunday 9 October 2011

Relationship/Finance: GUARANTEED INVESTMENT CERTIFICATES (GICs). The bi...

Relationship/Finance: GUARANTEED INVESTMENT CERTIFICATES (GICs). The bi...: I find it incredible ironic that most people are up in arms about how the government is wasting our tax dollars. This is in light of the b...

GUARANTEED INVESTMENT CERTIFICATES (GICs). The big money pit.

I find it  incredible ironic that most people are up in arms about how the government is wasting our tax dollars.  This is in light of the billions of dollars lost each year in Canadian banks by clients who neglect to pay attention to when their GICs (Guaranteed Investment Certificates) comes up for maturity.

Seriously, the banks have done their due deligence by sending out quarterly statements to clients so that they can call their banker and renegotiate the current rate for their certificates.  This is not happening.  Guaranteed Investment Certificates are automatically renewed every year at the posted rate for the same term as the previous certificate.  What does this mean to the saving population? It simply means that you will have a 3 year term GIC automatically renewing for approximately 1.3% and a  5 year for 1.65%. Outrageous!

Of course bank staff make every effort to call clients to get their renewal options and offer them a bonus on the posted rate. This bonus can be significant, albeit the low interest rate environment we are currently experiencing.  A bank client can get an extra .75 to 1.25 basis points on the posted rate,  but  they have to call and negotiate. 

Clients are under the impression that the banks  are obligated to call them. They are not. Calls made to clients to remind them of their upcoming GIC maturities are strictly courtesy calls.  Like every other business, bank staff are overworked.  Those advisors with assigned client lists are up to their ying yang with large portfolios  - chances are they are calling their top 20%.  Even so, there are clients with over 1 million dollars in Guaranteed Investment Certificates that are left unassigned with certificates in the millions that have been renewed without bonus points. Go figure and daily we curse the government for wasting our tax dollars.

Is it the banks fault. No. I think not. I think investors have abdicated their responsibility primarily because their lifestyle has become so hectic. They do not have time to oversee their investments and they are too spread out having certificates all over the map because they fear our banks may go bankrupt. 

Solution 1.
Take ownership of your money. Don't wait for the banks to call you, they are too busy trying to gather more meaningful  assets that increases their revenue generation.  Banks do not make money off GICs or mortgages. By the time banks try to match the rates of the competition on a mortgages and  GICs they are basically just bying the business to increase their money under management.

You get your quarterly statements. Put your maturity dates on your calendar and call your bank representative and negotiate a rate. You have thirty days to do so with most financial institutions and insurance companies. Your renewed certificates can be backdated to the date of renewal within 30 days of maturity. After that, you snooze, you lose.

The same goes true for brokers, institutional or boutique.  Everyone is paying attention to their high value clients. And believe it or not, those are the clients that get the best rates because they have millions in the branch and losing them would be painful.

Solution2
Start to shop the competition at least 4 days before renewal of your certificates. Why? Because banks can hold GIC rates for 3 days.  Get a rate for the term you want and go back to your bank and negotiate with them to match the rate. Of course, this all depends on the level of relationship you currently have with your bank. If all you have is a small amount of funds under management, don't bother you'll get bonus points but no one is going to fall over you to try and win your business.


Consolidated your GICs. I know, I know this mentality of not keeping all your eggs in one basket is for birds and a contributing factor for GICs renewing at posted rates.

Solution 3.
Ladder your GICs so that every year you have a certificate coming up for renewal this will allow you to take advantage of current rates and not have all your certificates coming due at the same time.  For risk averse savers, this is the biggest risk, interest rate risk. Now, this laddering only really makes sense if you have hundreds of thousands of dollars. Instead of putting 500,000 in one GIC why not have it broken up into 5 different certificates from 1-5 years. This way each year you have a certificate coming due with hopefully, a better rate. Yes?

That's it on GICs for now. Next we'll talk about mutual funds and the red hot market that most inexperience investors are waiting to settle down before they invest.  Yes. You heard right. They want to buy high and sell low like they have always done.

Live Your best Life Ever.
Cheers.